I am on a mission to stay at every Fairmont Hotel in the world. This one is in la belle provence, and if I am not mistaken, made out of logs!


Another thing I have been thinking about lately are studies that show if we are given a choice between multiple things and asked which one we prefer (e.g. art, music) we will give a different answer than if we are given the same choice, but also asked to explain our choice. This speaks to our authenticity, or lack thereof. Why do you think this is? Discuss amongst yourselves... 

I have been listening to these lectures on human nature of late. One of them was given by Malcolm Gladwell, the author of "Tipping Point". In it he discusses a couple of interesting aspects of human nature. The first is that what we like, or how much we like something depends on context. For example, when I am at a nightclub and they are blaring some trance or techno, it sounds cool. So I like that music in the context of a nightclub. At home, listening on my headphones, that is the last kind of music I would listen to - in that context I dislike that same thing.

Ah context...this is all very similar to the Fundamental Attribution Flaw: a basic flaw in human thinking that means we ascribe the behaviour of others to their personality rather than examining the context. Which generally causes grief in difficult conflicts. In this case the flaw is that if we think "Sally" is lazy, we think that she is always lazy. In reality, "Sally" is probably lazy in certain contexts, and not in others...yet humans latch onto an attribute and ascribe it absolutely to a person's personality regardless of context. Gladwell touched on this in Tipping Point, but now extends it to people's likes and dislikes - they depend on context.

Sometimes we forget we have the power to simply change our mind. Our minds often insist that our own likes, dislikes, and attributes be absolute and that is simply contradictory to our very nature. Sometimes we tell the truth, sometimes we lie...sometimes we are focused and sometimes scatter brained. Sometimes we like someone's company, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we like Disco, sometimes we don't care for it. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...

On the road to Quebec this week, I stopped over in Ottawa. Here is a picture of Parliament from the other side of the Rideau Canal.

 

I don't know why I feel compelled to write this, but now that I am out of the game (pursuing enlightenment and my other monastic duties under the watchful eye of my master and sensei), I would like to contribute in my own humble way to those trying to understand the game, and perhaps play the game a little better. Consider it a public service of sorts. Now, for the naive out there, the game I am talking about here goes by many names: pick-up, mixing, dating, social dynamics, etc, etc...

First things first, I am not some amazing pickup artist. I have only slept with perhaps a few hundred women (hey, I am just kidding! seriously, women don't like me...). I have simply been amazed at how bad some guys are at meeting women. They want to meet women in such a bad way, yet fail in the most basic of things. So what follows are some insights and helpful suggestions. Take them or leave them, I don't care. I am not suggesting I am an expert, but I have seen my share of what works and doesn't work. And finally, I don't know if what follows may be offensive to some women. This material is really a contribution to mankind...but hey, if you are offended, or agree with what I say, or would like to add your two cents, please comment. But quite simply, this is not about women, just a man's ability to attract them.

First my theory: for most of humanity's existense on this planet, we have been cave dwellers. We are biologically, mentally and socially evolved to best our chances for survival and procreation. All of this advanced civilization stuff, specialization of skills and intellectual thought as its own end (that distinction is important btw) is all recent stuff that has not really impacted the very nature of our being yet. What does this mean? It means that the fittest (in as broad a sense of the word as is possible) are also the most attractive (in as broad a sense of the word as is possible). This is more or less true for both sexes, but since we are discussing men wanting to meet women, I will concentrate then on what makes a man fit and therefore attractive.

The single, most important characteristic that makes a man attract women is confidence. According to my theory, women look for signs of the fittest male when partnering for survival, and the surest sign that a guy is fit is confidence. Not arrogance. Not self importance. Confidence - honest, calm, authentic knowledge that you are your own man and firmly in charge of your own destiny. Confidence speaks to a deep relationship with one's self, but for the purposes of meeting women (and therefore, perhaps building one's confidence), it suffices in the beginning that we appear confident. Appearing confident is a set of outward behanviours and so this is something practical, something anyone can do! So here is lesson number 1: confident guys smile. Seriously, confident guys do a lot of things that make them appear confident, but probably the biggest thing is they smile when they walk into a room and/or meet new people. Why wouldn't they? They are confident about themselves and are having fun!

You wouldn't believe how many guys I see at a nightclub, or social function full of available women, and they have the most serious looks on their faces! Seriousness indicates need and a confident guy doesn't need. And besides, what kind of woman wants to meet a guy who looks like they are in mourning or the middle of intense labour negotiations? When you smile, you look like you got it all together, and trust me, women find that very attractive. So your mission is simple: smile. Where ever you are, smile. smile until your face hurts. If you are at a funeral, you don't have to smile (but even there, an easy going smile can be comforting - of course, because confident people comfort us, make us feel like even in times of sadness and crisis everything will work out ok). Walk into a room: smile. Meet someone new (man or woman): smile. Shovel snow: smile. You get the idea...

That concludes Part I. I have no idea when I will post on this topic again, but keep checking as I am sure I will add more thoughts as time goes on.

As I type, I am in the middle of a commercial break on tv. I am watching Primary Colors. This is a pretty cool movie. A lot of people don't realize I had my own (very) short stint in politics many, many years ago. After a gruelling campaign, I went down in defeat. Democracy sucks sometimes.

Ok, for all you closet Star Trek fans, this post is not about my imaginary negotiations with the Halkans for dilithium crystals (conspiracy theory: the japanese already have dilithium crystals and are using it to power commuter trains that travel faster than the speed of light allowing you arrive at your destination before you depart and kill your grandfather). It is of course about something so much more important - my vanity.

After working out at the gym today, I happened to glance into the mirror in the locker room. Due to some deformity in the glass, it made me appear even more built than I already am! Don't get me wrong, I am already a near perfect physical specimen, but I looked fantastic! I started thinking, what if the effect could be replicated - for example, I could surround myself with some sort of magical mirror substance - and everyone who saw me thought I was so incredibly buff. But I am more than a body - I'm a mind too damnit!

But then I thought...no! I reflected (I am trying not to be so superficial these days - I think the intellectual thing is kind of attractive)...maybe we already surround ourselves with some sort of magical mirror substance. Of course we cannot change the visual aspects of ourselves, but perhaps by the speech and stories we tell, the attitudes we display and the mental states we have, we can deform or modify how other view us. Very deep. I still want everyone to see me through that mirror though.

I have been reading Naked Conversations by Robert Scoble and Shel Israel. The book is about "how blogs are changing the way businesses talk with customers". I assumed that blogging was interesting and kind of neat (hence my own blog which you are reading now!), but was pretty much a phenomenon driven by teenage diarists and other attention whores. In fairness, a lot of them are funny, and hey, I read them! This book, however, has changed my mind. Obviously while reading about the fashion and relationship problems of some chick in Singapore (with great interest mind you), I was too shallow to understand the transformational changes blogging represents in business, public relations and media. I am so superficial!

So here's the thing...the authors contend that the blog is transformational because it:
- allows a company to continuously gather open and honest (and sometimes brutal) feedback
- allows the free sharing of knowledge
- builds word of mouth networks
- encourages communities (of customers) to meet and share
- perhaps gets customers to "bite" on offerings
- has a focus on making an industry better

The contention is that this kind of "conversational marketing" has not been so easily possible before. It is an interesting idea, and in truth, there are very good business oriented blogs out there that have become sources of "news" and insight for me over traditional broadcast media. And besides, the book is easy to read. Most blogs are abandoned after only a few months (almost like mine!), but now that I have a renewed sense of purpose, I have returned. Clearly, it is my duty to offer my thoughts to the world as an alternative to CNN.

Japan is a superior society. I offer two pieces of evidence to support this claim:

1. Folding a shirt.
2. Peeling a potato.

I ate 10 pounds of lychee today after my sunday Tosilog brunch. While I recover, enjoy a picture from my yard.

 

I'm back!